


Birthday Surprises are Hard When Your Partners are Attached at the Spine

by The_Mouse_of_Anon



Category: DCU (Comics), Smallville, Young Justice (Cartoon)
Genre: Bart and Khaji Da scheming for Jaime's birthday, Hawaiian-speaking Kon, Jaime gets put through hell before his birthday, Jaime needs a break, Lex going over the top to help his son's friends, Lex going way too far and Kon being perfectly okay with it, Multi, exploding cake alert (in the past tense)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 20:18:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8027593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Mouse_of_Anon/pseuds/The_Mouse_of_Anon
Summary: Bart wanted to plan something for Jaime's 23rd birthday, something big. And he wanted Khaji Da in on it (mainly to avoid unfortunate accidents). Thing is, when you get a speedster, a scarab, and a large chunk of their team all working together to surprise one person, you know it's going to get out of hand.
Poor Jaime had no idea what they were getting him into.





	Birthday Surprises are Hard When Your Partners are Attached at the Spine

**Author's Note:**

> Holy _crap_ this fic has been a long time in coming! There is a lot of fluff and a lot of poor Jaime being run through the wringer. This also takes place in a sort of blended universe– primarily Young Justice with little touches from the ‘90s comics and Smallville’s interpretation of one character (who is only mentioned but doesn’t personally show up). I’m still kind of iffy about the ending or if I should add more, but I feel like I’ve made everyone wait long enough for this (sorry in particular to tommy-is-hungry on tumblr as they gave me the fic prompt that spawned this). That said, if any of you feel the end of this needs to be extended, let me know.
> 
> Enjoy!

Bart laid awake, thinking. He’d been trying for a while to get a chance to talk to Khaji Da alone, but what with Khaji Da being literally _attached_ to Jaime that had proven borderline impossible. In fact Bart had slowly been coming to the conclusion that there was no way _to_ talk to Khaji Da without Jaime knowing, but for the sake of what he wanted to do he had to try. Rolling over to face Jaime, who thankfully was asleep and had his back facing Bart, Bart scooted a little closer and whispered, “Hey, Khaji Da, are you awake?”

There was no clear answer at first. Normally if Khaji Da was awake and Jaime wasn’t, for Bart’s benefit Khaji Da would emit a soft glow from the eye-like patterns on his carapace— a clear visual message of ‘I’m awake and listening.’

Gently reaching forward to lightly scratch at Khaji Da (and hoping that it wouldn’t be felt by Jaime and wake him up), Bart tried again. “Khaji Da, c’mon… Are you awake? I really want to talk with you.”

For a moment there was (again) no answer, but the eye-patterns lit up. Then Jaime stirred. Bart held his breath, hoping against hope that he hadn’t woken Jaime— because then that would defeat the entire purpose behind why he’d wanted to talk to Khaji Da in the first place. Jaime rolled over to face him, and Bart let out a relieved breath when he saw the eyes were Khaji Da’s bright gold rather than Jaime’s deep brown.

“Bart,” Khaji Da greeted succinctly. Most others would have been put off by his tone, reading it as cold, aloof, and distant. Thanks to having been in a relationship with both Jaime and Khaji Da for three years (he was counting by when Khaji Da had decided to get involved rather than when it had just been him and Jaime dating, Bart thought it was more fair that way), Bart could hear the subtle warmth. True, Khaji Da was the least obviously expressive of the three of them, but instances of hearing that subtle warmth were usually enough to provoke in Bart the strong desire to glomp onto Khaji Da and babble on about how adorably murderous Khaji Da was. Not that Khaji Da always appreciated it, but at least the scarab wouldn’t push him away. Then again part of the reason why Bart and Khaji Da got along so well was the fact that Khaji Da could act to his heart’s content like he was long-suffering and didn’t want the attention even though he actually did want it, and Bart knew him well enough to discern when he wanted or didn’t want the attention and act accordingly.

“Is Jaime asleep? I mean _thoroughly_ asleep?” Bart asked.

For a moment Jaime’s face got that distant look that usually cropped up when Khaji Da was communicating with Jaime or when Khaji Da was checking something but happened to be in control. When his eyes refocused on Bart he answered, “He is asleep. You wish to speak to me without Jaime knowing?”

Bart nodded. “Yeah. You know how his birthday is coming up?”

“Affirmative.”

A slight smile tugged at Bart’s lips. He knew Khaji Da was perfectly capable of speaking less formally (having been subjected to Jaime and Bart’s routine conversations about almost everything under the sun had its effects sometimes), but he also found it weirdly cute the way Khaji Da often refused to switch to a more relaxed speaking-pattern. And Bart was getting distracted. “Well I’ve been wanting to talk to you because I want to do something special for him, but I want it to be a surprise, you know?”

Khaji Da arched an eyebrow. It was amazing the various mannerisms he’d picked up via learning body-language cues from Jaime. “It would have been easier to progress with this ‘surprise’ without trying to involve me. Involving me without the Jaime Reyes knowing seems more trouble than it is worth.”

“But I wanted you to be _in on it_ ,” Bart quietly whined. ‘Unimpressed’ would have been an apt description for the look Khaji Da aimed at Bart right then. Bart winced slightly, a brief nonverbal apology, before continuing. “Y’see, I wanna make sure that it’s something we _both_ can give him without having to worry that you don’t know what I’m doing and things not going according to plan. ‘Cause I know you and your ‘plan for every contingency’ thing. And you getting startled is usually a bad idea.”

“It was _once_ ,” Khaji Da said in a firm tone. Though no one blamed Khaji Da for having been startled a couple of years prior and accidentally blowing up Jaime’s birthday cake (after that incident Bart never moved anything to be right in front of Jaime and Khaji Da at a speed faster than Khaji Da could process ever again), it remained one of the few things the scarab was embarrassed about.

Bart sighed. “I know, _I know_ — and I didn’t mean to bring it up! It’s just… if I’m going to do something, and you know I’m going to do it, then Jaime gets a good surprise for his birthday and we avoid accidental cake-explosions.” _As well as three hours of scraping cake off the walls and ceiling_ went unsaid. For all that Bart was able to get away with playfully teasing Khaji Da, he knew his limits.

For a moment Bart thought that Khaji Da was going to glare at him, say goodnight, and then retreat back into his usual not-in-control state so he could stubbornly ignore Bart for the remainder of the night. When he spoke, though he was grumbling, he was clearly willing to let Bart’s affront slide in favor of the practical point the speedster had brought up. “What do you suggest?”

“Well, what do you think of…”

***

Jaime was genuinely baffled as to what was going on. It was mainly small things, things he barely noticed, but after about the third day he was starting to get suspicious. Bart was acting innocent (which was suspicious in and of itself) and Jaime kept ‘hearing’ the occasional ‘ping’ through his connection to Khaji Da (which Khaji Da insisted was because he was researching something in his free time). While Khaji Da doing research wasn’t improbable by any means— in fact that was how he spent his free time whenever Jaime was working on something that the scarab didn’t care to pay attention to— it had never involved that random ‘ping’ing before. Furthermore, the way his dad had looked thoroughly amused after a conversation with Bart the last time the speedster had stayed the night, and the fact his dad hadn’t said a thing about what they’d been talking about was thoroughly suspicious. Alberto Reyes wasn’t the secretive type, not unless he had to be. And he had thoroughly side-stepped any questions Jaime might have had that day by changing the subject. In fact the same could be said about his mom, if one didn’t take into account that she worked in a hospital and was busy most of the time. It was weird.

What was even stranger was the way Jaime began to notice their teammates clamming up around him— Kon in particular. On their off time when they weren’t on any missions it wasn’t uncommon to see Kon texting away to _someone_ only to shove his phone in his pocket if Jaime was coming his direction. Although the one time Jaime had overheard Kon talking on the phone to whoever it was, was even _more_ bizarre (if that was even possible). “—because you always do this _Makuakāne_ … No. You’re already going over-the-top as it is… _Makuakāne_ … Look, I get that you’re all for extravagant gifts and all that, but what you’re doing _already_ is over-the-top… No, this isn’t about—” and it was about that point when Kon had noticed that Jaime was nearby that Kon abruptly switched languages into some odd mix of Hawaiian and Kryptonian that Khaji Da refused to translate. The fact that Khaji Da didn’t even offer to translate was what made Jaime suspicious; as paranoid as Khaji Da was he normally wouldn’t even hesitate to offer to translate any language Jaime didn’t understand. Whatever was going on, it was clear that the entire team was in on it.

_‘Why do I have a bad feeling about this?’_

***

It had been a _loooong_ day. A _very_ long day. Jaime considered himself lucky that it was his Friday as far as his college classes were concerned (it was actually Thursday), but it hadn’t been anywhere near as relaxing as it should have been. 

He’d gotten to school, gotten through his first class, and was just starting to relax with his coffee for his hour-break between classes when Khaji Da had picked up on an alert from the League. He hated having to chug his coffee, but he hated the idea of wasting it even more. So he’d downed it, slipped off to one of the few ‘blind spots’ on campus (it had taken him _forever_ to find said blind spots when he’d first started attending the college), and armored up before flying off when student traffic thinned out. He’d barely been able to break up the bank robbery and get back on campus in time to make his next class. Then, when he hadn’t been out of his second class for more than 15 minutes, he got the notice that Tim needed to borrow his and Khaji Da’s translation skills on some files he’d downloaded. So he’d gone to the nearest zeta tube to get to their team’s base and spent three hours or more working on translations with Khaji Da. What was odd were the bizarre occasional instances of Khaji Da asking him for context clarification at various points because the documents had random bouts of informality mixed in with the thorough formality (and according to Khaji Da the mix was distracting and made them more difficult to translate).

_Then_ when he had been headed home, despite having been busy for _eight hours_ already (his first class having been at 8:00 AM didn’t help), Kon gave him an emergency call and told him he was dealing with bomb scare that involved possibly alien tech and needed him and Khaji Da there to do a quick tech sweep. Heading back through the zeta tube to Metropolis and then meeting up with Kon took Jaime longer than he would have preferred, and the full sweep took him half an hour, which was soon followed by chasing after the maniac who had _made_ the bomb threat in the first place. _That_ took an additional hour to catch said maniac— due to also having to make sure that the people the maniac nearly hit or the people in the other cars the maniac side-swiped were okay. _Then_ it turned out that the zeta tube system was temporarily down because Barry had noticed a glitch and no one wanted to take any chances with what might happen if someone went through without it being fixed (sort of that whole thing of ‘we’ve been lucky that nothing has happened to anyone yet, but we might not be that lucky for long and we want to fix the problem before it really _becomes_ a problem’). Jaime was stranded in Metropolis. And he still had homework to do for his classes. True, he didn’t have to have his homework done and ready to turn in until Monday, but he didn’t like leaving it until the last minute. He almost wanted to cry.

He considered flying back to El Paso (though he _really_ didn’t want to think of how long that might take him), but Barry assured him that the glitch should be fixed within a couple hours. Which left Jaime sitting on a rooftop in Metropolis with Kon for a while, trying to mentally do his homework with Khaji Da’s help so that at least they could plug into a computer later and he could print his paper off (because he was _not_ going to let the scarab print his paper off on paper made from his dead skin-cells and sweat). For once he wasn’t bothered by Khaji Da taking advantage of public wifi so that he could double check the assignment requirements online if he needed to. Kon kept watch so that Jaime didn’t have to worry about being snuk up on while he was buried in his homework. _Finally_ when it hit 7:00 PM (and shortly after he’d finished his paper) Barry got back in touch with him to let him know that the issue with the zeta tubes had been fixed and he could go home.

He got back to El Paso, got home, and almost immediately headed to the bathroom for a shower. He wanted to get clean, he wanted to get dinner, and then he wanted to immediately veg out by watching TV until he wanted to pass out for the night, and he wanted to sleep in in the morning. He wasn’t even completely unarmored when he tumbled through the kitchen window next to the (locked) back door, having enough sense to announce “I’m home! I’m taking a shower, so if you need in there, go!” as he headed up the stairs to his room to get clean clothes. He was exhausted enough that he didn’t even notice that his parents and his sister didn’t come up to him to greet him.

He took his time with his shower, switching on the massaging showerhead and just relaxing under the stream once he was clean. A content chittering click from Khaji Da reverberated through his mind, which made him relax even more. It had been a long day, a _really_ loooooong day, but it was finally over. He could relax, at home, and be content with spending time with Khaji Da. Ideally he’d like Bart to be there too, but Jaime hadn’t heard from Bart all day. He couldn’t help wondering if Bart’s day had been just as ridiculously busy as his had been. Once the water started turning cold Jaime reluctantly turned off the water and went to step out of the shower. Judging by the grinding edge Khaji Da’s clicking took on, Khaji Da was just as unthrilled about having to get out of the shower as Jaime was. Jaime slid the shower door aside— and then stopped.

His pajamas weren’t on the counter where he’d left them. Instead there were fresh day clothes. Someone had come in _while he was in the shower_ and had _switched out_ his clothes. Someone… had come in… and switched out… _his clothes_ … while he was _in the shower_ … and he hadn’t noticed. Had the door opened? No… no, that couldn’t be right. The door was locked. Jaime checked to be certain, and yep— definitely locked. No one could have gotten in. But he could have _sworn_ he’d grabbed pajamas, _not_ day clothes. No… he could _remember_ that he had grabbed pajamas because he’d felt so exhausted that he didn’t want to have to bother with needing to change again when he wanted to go to bed.

“ _Que rayos_?” he muttered in confusion.

[ _There is one person who could come in through a locked door,_ ] Khaji Da answered, providing a gentle reminder.

Jaime frowned. He and Khaji Da hadn’t seen Bart _all day_. Why would he be here this late? (Okay, it was close to 8:00 PM so it wasn’t _that_ late, but still…) And on top of that, _why_ would Bart have _vibrated through the door_ and switched out his clothes? Without even a word? What in the world could Bart be up to?

Finally he gave up trying to guess, and after drying himself off pulled on his clothes and headed out of the bathroom. As he came almost trotting down the stairs he asked loudly, “Mom, Dad, is Bart here?”

“ _Sí mijo_ ,” his mother called back. It sounded like she was in the living room.

He was rounding the bottom of the stairs to cut through the kitchen and head into the living room as he said, “Well then Bart, maybe you can explain why—” Jaime dropped off in mid-sentence and _stared_.

Calmly sitting in the living room were his parents, his sister, Bart, Kon, Tim, Eddie, Cassie, Raquel— pretty much half of their _entire_ team. 

Jaime’s jaw worked for a moment or two before he finally said, “ _What_ is even going on?”

“Oh nothing much,” Kon grinned as he spun a key-ring on one finger, “Just a little something called ‘temporarily kidnapping you for a weekend to celebrate your birthday’— as planned by Bart.”

Jaime blinked. Stared. Looked at Bart and said, “ _Que rayos_?”

Bart made a face and answered, “It wasn’t _entirely_ my idea. Khaji Da helped. A lot.”

Jaime snapped his head to try to glance over his shoulder at the scarab. “ _You_ were in on this?!”

[ _Affirmative,_ ] Khaji Da answered smugly.

“ _Dios mio!_ You mean to tell me that this _whole day_ of being completely _run into the ground_ was the set up for _this_?!” he squawked. His dad looked like he was trying not to laugh.

“Only parts of it,” Tim answered, “Though Barry making sure you were stranded in Metropolis for a bit was definitely part of it.”

Jaime let out a groan as he facepalmed. “All of you nearly killed me. Were you trying to kill me? Because you nearly killed me.”

“We had to make sure you were distracted so we could set things up though,” Bart protested, turning big puppy eyes on Jaime.

Jaime froze, dropped his hand, and looked at Bart suspiciously. There was something more going on here. If it had been a matter of a surprise party at his house or somewhere in town it wouldn’t have required _that much_ effort and distraction. It was then that he noticed the packed luggage off to the side— not enough for all of them, but certainly enough for Jaime and his family. “What did you do?” he asked warily.

“It’s not what _I_ did!” Bart said before motioning to Kon, “It’s more what he was up to.” Jaime turned his attention to Kon and raised an eyebrow.

Kon raked a hand through his hair, the keys in his other hand stilling as he answered. “It’s more like what my dad did…” At Jaime’s questioning look he added, “My _other_ dad.” 

Understanding dawned. Lex Luthor was not known for doing _anything_ halfway. The man might _technically_ be known by all members of the League as a supervillain, but over the years it had become painfully obvious that he saw Kon as his son and would do just about anything to make sure that kryptonian/human hybrid never lacked for anything. In fact there had been several plans Kon had managed to talk him down from on the basis that said plans would ‘negatively impact’ and make things unnecessarily difficult for him. And if Kon had dragged _Lex Luthor_ into this, then these birthday plans had probably gotten insanely out of hand.

“…What did he do?” Jaime asked cautiously, almost dreading the answer.

Kon shrugged, entirely too relaxed about the idea of having gotten his (‘supervillain’) father to help out with Bart’s plans for Jaime’s birthday party. “Nothing less than reserving an entire small island resort with full amenities for all of us for the entire weekend and arranging to have a private jet waiting at the airport to take us there.”

Jaime stared. “What?”

“You heard me,” Kon smirked.

Jaime looked to Tim and asked, “Did you know he did this?”

Tim shrugged. “I did. Not really surprised by it either—” of course he wasn’t “—but when you’ve got Luthor as a future in-law you kind of figure out the weird lengths he’ll go to for people he cares about.” Of course. Made perfect sense. As ridiculously protective and hyper-supportive of Kon that Lex was, it only made sense that it would spill over to the people Kon cared about. And of course it made sense that Tim would be perfectly fine with that, considering he was used to a different flavor of weird parental over-protectiveness from Bruce. There wasn’t anything weird about that. Not at all. Nothing weird about the fact that one of his friends had talked his _supervillain_ father into commandeering an _entire_ small island resort _for an entire weekend_ for Jaime’s birthday.

_‘What world did I even wake up in?’_

[ _The one in which I assessed that the Lex Luthor would be more willing to meet our requirements than the Bruce Wayne._ ]

Jaime facepalmed. He would have expected this from Kon, because… well… he was _Kon_. There were a lot of ways Kon took after Lex when it came to certain details (like not caring when he made others uncomfortable no matter how outrageous he got), so it made sense that Kon would have thought nothing about asking _Lex-freaking-Luthor_ to cover this whole ridiculous situation. But Khaji Da though? For Khaji Da to have thought of it, suggested it to Bart, who in turn had to have been the one to ask Kon about it… This was definitely beyond what Jaime previously would have expected from the scarab. [ _You are going to kill me,_ ] Jaime said, this time deliberately aiming the thought at Khaji Da.

[ _Negative. This is for you. Assessment: worth it. You will enjoy it._ ]

Giving an aggravated sigh, Jaime finally said, “Alright. I’ll bite. When are we going?”

Bart was beaming. “As soon as you’re ready to go. I packed for you based off the list Khaji Da gave me.”

Jaime dragged both of his hands down his face as he groaned, “ _All_ of you are going to _kill_ me!” After a few moments of enduring the (frankly entirely too) amused expressions of his family and friends (and the almost annoyingly cheerful humming from Khaji Da in his head) he finally said, “Alright. _Vámonos_. Let me get my shoes on and we can go.”

***

Jaime really shouldn’t have been surprised with the familiarity Kon had with Lex’s people. He knew, hell the _entire team_ knew, that Kon had a fairly solid relationship with Lex. Still, knowing that didn’t do anything to erase how bizarre it had been for Kon to greet one of Lex’s primary bodyguards with a casual, “Hey Mercy. Brought it back in one piece,” when they arrived at the airport and he passed her the keys to the limo.

“You didn’t drive over the curb?” Mercy asked in a cold tone, one eyebrow arched. She had that look like she didn’t mind the thought of casually shooting someone— which, being in the employ of a supervillain, probably happened on a regular basis.

Kon rolled his eyes. “Not a single curb,” he agreed, “Not even a single scrape. I didn’t even have to avoid any of _Makuakāne_ ’s ex-wives.” Jaime had a feeling he didn’t want to even know what that was about.

It might have been Jaime’s imagination, but the disapproving scowl Mercy aimed at Kon seemed like it contained a hint of fondness as she tapped on her ear-piece. “The entire party is here?” she asked.

“Like an _i’a_ in the _kai_ ,” Kon answered. Even with Khaji Da supplying the translation of ‘fish in the sea’ Jaime had to wonder at Kon’s word choice.

Turning her attention to whoever she was in contact with via the ear-piece Mercy said, “The sea is clear. Ready for nightfall?”

Jaime gave Kon a _look_. The kryptonian pretended to ignore it. Jaime sidled closer and hissed out in a hushed whisper, “ _Code phrases_?! What have you gotten me and my family into that she’s using _code phrases_?!”

“Jaime, chill,” Kon answered just as quietly. “It’s the way they are. And with the number of people who want to kill Lex it makes sense for my dad’s security detail to make sure that everything is secure. And that none of his exes have sneaked in.”

“…What is it with the exes? Do I even _want_ to know?”

Kon sheepishly shrugged as he offered, “He has a lousy track record and almost every person he ever married or considered marrying tried to kill him?”

Jaime stared again. “You and your crazy plans are going to get me and my family killed,” he deadpanned.

“Actually last time I checked it was Bart and Khaji Da’s crazy plan. I just sort of… went along for the ride.”

“You are a _maniac_ ,” Jaime hissed. “Does Tim know you’re a maniac? Because if he doesn’t know, then he needs to. He needs to know what sort of crazed lunatic he’s engaged to.”

Kon quietly laughed. “Again, I reiterate: Bart and Khaji Da’s crazy plan. Not mine. So actually, if anyone’s engaged to a larger bag of crazy, it’s you. Tim’s only got me. You though? You’ve got _both_ of them. And yeah, I don’t care if you’re not engaged, you technically kinda are and everyone knows it. By the way, Khaji Da’s the one who thought up the island getaway if you’re curious. I only agreed to it on the condition that it wasn’t Hawaii.”

“What the— _why_?”

Kon smirked and started following Mercy now that she’d made it clear that the jet was secure, calling back over his shoulder, “Because, if we’d gone to Hawaii I wouldn’t have put up with us getting stuck in that _haole_ tourist trap where the money wouldn’t be going to the people who need it.”

“ _Dios mio_ ,” Jaime muttered as he followed.

***

They were supposed to arrive at their destination at 3:00 in the morning. Jaime wasn’t too thrilled about that. In fact he was determined to get some sleep if it was possible, but a certain speedster giving him hopeful puppy-eyes and a stubborn scarab refusing to increase his melatonin levels (unless it happened naturally, so Khaji Da wasn’t exactly preventing it either) were making sleep a bit difficult to come by. 

He was annoyed at both of them. He was annoyed at Kon and the others for having gone along with Bart and Khaji Da’s plan, but he was annoyed at the two of them for having decided that going to such lengths was acceptable in the first place. In all honesty if he’d had the choice he would have gone somewhere on the jet where he could be alone for a while, at least long enough to let go of the stress enough to focus on how sweet Bart and Khaji Da were for having gone out of their way for his birthday. Being alone wasn’t an option. Even if he’d refused to see Bart for an hour or two there’d be no getting away from Khaji Da; and refusing to be around Bart when he couldn’t get away from Khaji Da just wouldn’t be fair.

So he stayed put, his seat reclined, and tried to ignore his irritation to a certain level so that he wouldn’t snap at them. Sometimes he couldn’t help but think that trying to be fair was unfairly annoying. Finally he gave a long-suffering sigh in response to Bart’s watery puppy-eyes and asked, “What is it Bart?”

The speedster hesitated for a moment or two before quietly asking, “…Are you mad at us?”

“Depends,” Jaime grumbled.

“…On?” And damn it all, the way Bart’s voice was threatening to crack in pure misery (by this point Jaime was very-well-acquainted with the way Bart would start to crumble if he thought he made Jaime or Khaji Da upset when he wanted to make them happy) was almost too much to handle.

“When we get there you both owe me a massage. A good one. The way my day has been? I’ve been about ready to lose it all day.”

Bart perked up a little. “So we can make it up to you?”

The slight thrum from Khaji Da in the back of his mind proved he was in pretty much the same state as Bart. “Yes, you both can make it up to me.”

“Crash! This is going to be the best birthday ever— the best _weekend_ ever! I promise!” Bart enthused as he glommed onto Jaime. “Right Khaji Da?”

[ _Affirmative,_ ] rang through Jaime’s mind, accompanied with a wave of warmth and love that almost felt like the scarab was wrapping him in it.

“Why are you two so sweet?” Jaime murmured as his exhaustion finally started to catch up to him. 

The answer from the two of them was identical and simultaneous: “ _Because we love you._ ”

***

When they arrived, after Jaime had been gently shaken awake and they’d gotten all their things and got off the jet, Jaime had to admit that even at _3:00 in the morning_ the island was breath-taking. He wasn’t surprised to find out that the island resort staff had been temporarily ousted by Luthor’s people (if Kon’s greeting to one man of, “Oh, hey! Justice! Long time no see!” was anything to judge by). Somehow Jaime had the distinct feeling that after the weekend was over nothing Lex Luthor did would ever surprise him again.

_‘Or anything Kon does for that matter.’_

It took some sorting, but eventually they all figured out who was going where in terms of the various suites that were available. Jaime had to remind himself again that _Lex Luthor_ had commandeered the island and that there weren’t any other guests. It was just weird to think about. What also caught him by surprise was the way everyone else (even his own parents) insisted that he, Khaji Da, and Bart should get the best suite— which just happened to be off a small distance from the others. Again, it was weird, disorienting, and Jaime had the very distinct sense that he was getting exposed to an example of _why_ Kon was so eccentric and over-the-top on a routine basis.

The moment Jaime flopped on his and Bart’s bed though… he no longer had any complaints. He felt even less inclined to complain when Bart bounced onto the bed and started digging his fingers into his back, soon followed by Khaji Da giving off an alternating electrical thrum to work with Bart’s movements.

At Jaime’s relieved groan, Bart asked, “Crash back massage?”

“You have no idea,” Jaime agreed.

“Careful, you might make me jealous,” Bart teased.

“Don’t have to be jealous,” Jaime murmured, “Only way t’get this sort of back massage is with the two of you, and I’m not sharing.”

[ _Good,_ ] Khaji Da said in a pleased tone as he gently upped the effect of the massage.

Bart smiled before leaning forward to give Jaime a brief kiss on the cheek. “Happy 23rd Birthday Jaime.”

“…Say that to me tomorrow. For right now? Massage and then sleep.” Bart couldn’t help but laugh.

***

When morning came (or more accurately when he woke up) it took Jaime a few moments to process where precisely he was. The comfortable bed (which was nearly eating him) and a certain sleeping speedster who was wrapped around him like a koala around a branch didn’t help. He was comfortable and sleepy enough that he didn’t care too much that he didn’t really know where he was at first.

Finally a gentle, [ _Good morning,_ ] greeted him, causing Jaime to give a content sigh.

“Good morning to you too Khaji Da,” he yawned as he tried (ineffectually) to stretch with Bart wrapped around him. Bart gave a grunt of protest, but otherwise didn’t stir. [ _Is anyone else up?_ ]

[ _Affirmative. I believe they decided to let you sleep in._ ]

“Good,” Jaime muttered, drawing another sleepy protest from Bart. Aiming a smile at the passed out auburn-haired menace known as one of his partners, Jaime gave him a gentle nudge. “Hey, _cariño_ , time to get up.”

“’s too _ear_ ly,” Bart whined as he buried his face in Jaime’s chest.

Jaime gave a slight scoff, though it wasn’t anywhere near as mean-spirited as it could have been. “If anyone has any right to be tired, it’s me. Especially after the nightmare that was yesterday. C’mon _mi corazon_ , let me get up.”

“But beeeeed… coooommmmffffyyyy…”

[ _…Suggestion: I could wake him._ ] That caused Jaime to snort with laughter before he could stop himself. A couple of years before (a few days pre-cake-incident actually) Khaji Da had figured out how to give off a low charge electric shock without having Jaime feel it— just enough that it felt more like a really bizarre vibration than anything else (kind of like a low-level electric fence). Bart hated it, or at least hated it in the same way that anyone _really_ comfortable hated their partner prying them out of bed. It worked almost every time.

“I don’t know if things are that bad yet,” Jaime snickered.

Bart peeked up at him, a warning glare in place that was more aimed at Khaji Da than Jaime. “He better not’ve been suggesting what I think he was.”

“He might have been,” Jaime teased.

“Ugh!” Bart groaned, “Whyyyy??? Why is he so _mean_?”

[ _Inform the Bart Allen that I am not ‘mean,’ he is lazy about getting out of bed._ ]

“He says that he’s not mean, you’re lazy,” Jaime dutifully repeated while trying not to laugh.

“Anyone’s lazy next to him because he doesn’t need as much sleep as everyone else!” Bart whined.

Jaime gave Bart another gentle nudge. “C’mon _ese_ , I want to get up and get breakfast. You can complain about how mean Khaji Da is for insisting that you let me up when I want up later.”

Bart gave another groan, but grudgingly released Jaime (though he did nothing about rolling off of Jaime’s arm). “You both have no appreciation for cuddling,” he mumbled.

Khaji Da gave Jaime a slight mental nudge and, trying not to laugh, Jaime easily switched out control with the scarab. He had a feeling Khaji Da’s sass was going to be downright entertaining. 

“Bart,” Khaji Da said.

“Hmmm?”

“We have every appreciation for cuddling. We just have no patience for you clinging like a leech until you cut off blood flow,” Khaji said in a deadpan (yet somewhat amused) tone.

Bart cracked open his eyes to aim a mild glare at them. “…Are you calling me fat?”

“Negative. I am calling you deadweight at the moment. Much worse,” Khaji Da teased. Jaime was definitely laughing at this point, even though Khaji Da was the only one who could ‘hear’ it.

“This is why some of the people who know about you still think you want to take over the world but won’t because of me and Jaime,” Bart groaned.

“I will confiscate all of the junkfood,” Khaji Da playfully threatened.

“UUUGGGHHH!” Bart finally rolled off of them. “You’re _terrible!_ Why would you threaten that? It’s supposed to be Jaime’s birthday weekend! There’s supposed to be cake, icecream, and candy and all that! And you threaten to take away _all_ the junkfood? What kind of monster are you?!”

Jaime was full-on laughing himself senseless at this point. Had he been in control he would have been curled in a ball cackling. He loved them both, he really did, but sometimes Khaji Da picking on Bart (or the other way around) was just too hilarious to do anything but laugh. [ _You both are_ muy precioso _, and I love you both, but I need to eat._ ]

Khaji Da gave a smug smirk— to which Bart gave another aggravated groan— before sitting up to get out of bed. “Come-”

“-we’ll get a good breakfast to make up for Khaji Da’s threat,” Jaime teased, finishing Khaji Da’s sentence.

“…I don’t think you two realize how hot it is when you do that.”

Jaime rolled his eyes before seizing hold of his pillow and hitting Bart with it. “Come on _amor_! Out of bed already! You can flirt at us later!”

“Alright! I’m up! I’m up! I give!” Bart laughed as he tried to block the pillow.

“About time!”

Jaime was happy. The day before might have been hell, but he had an entire weekend to have fun with his partners, his family, and his friends. All to celebrate his birthday. Jaime’s life was crazy, but this was a good kind of crazy.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you thought. n.n


End file.
